“When you want something you’ve never had, you have to try something you’ve never done”

Ever since I returned from my holiday to Asai and announced to others my future plans, I’ve felt a growing sense of relief and freedom.

Those closest to me commented saying things like “they’d never seen me happier” and “you’ve changed”.

At first I could feel this change but I couldn’t understand it. The notion that I’d changed hadn’t fully formed in my head.

The beauty of self realisation though, is its a every changing an ever growing beastie!

Although though later life I’ve always been a confident strong willed person, there have been times I would be best described as a “people pleaser”. I was happy to go along with my life living the way I thought you are supposed to, but not truly how I wanted to.

I’ve learned that some of this is because I’m a Man. that may sound confusing but its opened a self realisation can of worms for myself.

From the earliest age that I can remember I was taught what a man should be. Either by my parents, my brother, close friends ands even strangers. Without realising this I absorbed these people’s notions of what a man should be an slowly an sublimely acted upon this.

For years I’ve lived a life believing a man who is someone who should always be strong in any situation. Someone who should be honest and dependable. Someone who acts as the head of a household and makes the tough decisions that others cant. The list of traits I thought a man should be became endless.

Not one of the few qualities I listed above are bad things. Most are ones that we should all strive for in our time here. But one quality that I believe is more important that any others is one that had eluded me for years.

To truly be a man or even a women, the most important quality I feel right now I and you should have is to be yourself and be honest about it. To many times in life we let ourselves become driven by what we believe we should be rather than what we actually want to be. We hide behind walls of ego and arrogance,  an self delusion because its safe. We unconsciously loose the person we can be, replaced with the person we believe we should be.

When we start to live a life driven by honesty to ones self, an remove the concern about what others think, all the shackles that held us down are removed. All the burdens that we unconsciously live by are removed and we can find calm.

It won’t happen with a burst of light, it won’t happen over night. Slowly once you start being honest with yourself others will notice it in you. This may change how they see you. Friends you once had may become intimidated by the strength you’ve found. Others may become drawn to it.

I don’t know what the future will bring for myself. I know that there will be times harder than anything I can imagine. I know now though that I’ll face my future sure footed and ready.

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